How to Survive FEELING LONELY AND PATHETIC

You swear that your disgust at your roommates’ cute and cuddly relationship isn’t due to jealousy. But let’s be real—if you’re single and living with a couple, you can feel like you’re returning to home sweet hell pretty much every day.

It’s hard to NOT think about how pathetic and miserable you are when you’re constantly accompanied by those other significant others. Every walk to the subway station, every dinner, every “goodnight” is a reminder that they are two and you are one. And this is not a balanced ensemble.

Clearly all waiters and waitresses agree. “Will there be a fourth person joining you tonight?”

If you’re sick of your date being the coat chair, try to put a positive spin on it.

• You have infinitely more elbowroom at the table.
• You can eat as much garlic and onions as you want.
• You don’t have to share your meal… or dessert!
• You at least have the possibility of getting someone to buy you a drink.

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Just try not to let your loneliness take over your life...

How To Survive DINNER TIME

I know you think you want to be involved in the dinner-making process. But if you start to see Significant Other #1 and Significant Other #2 throw sultry glances at one another, or fingers twitching to fling that spoon of mashed potatoes onto the other’s neck in a flirty attempt to begin a food fight that will inevitably end with each licking off the assailed food items… I suggest you get out of there. You may be one of the lucky few who live with a couple whose passion heats up whenever the oven does.

And it’s always nice to come home to pots boiling with delicious aromas, Frank’s “You Make Me Feel So Young” Pandora channel playing, and a table set with candles. But don’t just assume The Boyfriend can’t count and get out a third plate for yourself. Try to appreciate the fact that you get to order Chinese food for the fourth time in a week and get to watch whatever movie you want while stuffing your face shamelessly. Who wants to sit across from a doe-eyed lover staring as you try not to make faces at the burnt pasta dish anyway?

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Sorry, but this spaghetti isn't long enough for three.