How To Survive SETTING APARTMENT RULES

Myth: A couple living together needs no rules because their love is stronger than any disagreement.

Fact: All roommates need rules. Oh, and let me tell you, love is not stronger than the smell of mold coming from the crumpled, wet towel on the floor The Boyfriend can never seem to remember to hang up.

If your other Significant Others have fallen prey to the myth above, it is your moral responsibility to guide them to the light. Even if you’re not concerned about the well-being of their relationship—since not abiding by the rule to make rules will inevitably lead to destruction—you need to at least lay down the law of the land (your apartment) for your own sake.

As is true with any group of people, it’s important to not “gang up" on any one person. Yes, maybe The Boyfriend thinks he's starting a one-man band with his loud electric guitar, or decides the best time to do dishes is 7 a.m. when you're still sleeping, or walks around as if the floor is on fire and only by him stomping across the room will it be put out (and causes the neighbors underneath to ask where you got the dinosaur)... But I'm sure you have your faults, too. Although, really, what could be worse than a dish-clanging dinosaur with an amp? Anyway, the point is this: Don't let your nerves get the best of you and chime in too enthusiastically if The Girlfriend begins telling him to shut it. Take turns.

And rules should be spelled out so everyone is on the same page; don't think the "others" will pick up on your subtle clues. For example, decide together who gets dibs on leftovers, because apparently it's not apparent that the little to-go container you put together is for your lunch the next day.

How to Survive NIGHTS OUT

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At the bar, it's clear they are a couple and you are the Tagalong—but without the saving grace of the delicious peanut butter filling. Even if you've been able to successfully prevent them from holding hands, wrapping their arms around each other, or any of the usual giveaways, it can still be pretty obvious. Number one, they occasionally forget to pretend you're just as interesting as their Significant Other (you're way past believing you actually are). Two, while they share one tab for drinks for the night, you keep dropping cash on the bar (Tip: try not to order your drinks with them to avoid the confusion and embarrassment of correcting the bartender that you need your own check). And three, it's more than a little apparent that they don't give a speckled leopard's ass how they look (note The BF's faded, wide jeans with flannel shirt and The GF's mom jeans with plain-Jane t-shirt) and are content to be in their own little world standing on the sticky floor. Meanwhile, you keep tossing your hair around and making what you hope are flirty glances, but could very possibly be scary come-hither glares, at every passing guy.

So how do you meet people, or tell that cute guy over there that no, this dude will not be buying your drinks for the night? I'm not going to pretend I'm a dating expert. I'll leave the "finding love" advice to others who seem to have mastered the game, or at least have tips that seem somewhat reasonable (Click here to read how playing tag with a man can land you a boyfriend). But I can tell you this:

• Easy on the hair tossing; I can only imagine how attractive it is to spaz in the middle of the bar because you've pulled a muscle in your neck. 
• Try to remember all that happy, fluffy crap that says being content with yourself is the most important thing in life. And then pretend to believe it by plastering on a nice, big smile for the night.
• If you silently curse the couple's happy existence over and over in your head, that cute, smart, funny, sweet guy in the corner will eventually recognize what a wonderful person you are on his own. (This has personally never worked for me, but you should definitely give it a whirl.)

How to Survive HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH

You would normally have this conundrum handled with roommates who are not deranged, smitten lovers dating. You would have a personal friendship with Roommate 1 and a personal friendship with Roommate 2, and then all three of you would also have your own dynamic. But when you're living with a couple the game has changed. You no longer have two separate beings to work and interact with; they are an entity in and of themselves. Is it possible to have a relationship with each separately, or are you doomed to deal with them two at a time for the rest of your shared apartment existence? (For some reason I'm reminded here of the saying "Kill two birds with one stone.")

Try to take advantage of small opportunities to get to know each on their own. It might sometimes work out that two of you will have time for a movie while the other is running errands or doing work or wasting time drafting his fantasy football team. Take this time to have a quality conversation with your roommate. They might each appreciate getting to know you on their own as well.

And inside jokes should only be permitted if a. the other Significant Other can handle being left out or b. you can keep it a secret. And then you must realize they probably have loads of inside jokes on their own (although, you're probably not missing out on much anyway).